I haven't posted in over a year and I'm so so sad to say that I did not maintain... Shortly after my last post I started gaining and haven't stopped. I now weigh more than I did before I lost last time. I have been discouraged, I have been depressed, I have been angry. But I think I'm starting to find the determination again.
Let me rewind a bit and tell you why I gained weight....
I started dating a wonderful man named Shawn right around the time of my last post. Multiple dates and then, after he bought his house and had no money, :) wonderful cooking, laziness, and stress have all been contributors to my weight gain. Now we're getting married and I really don't want to look back on my wedding pictures and see this... Not only that, but I want to be in good shape for the honeymoon. We have an amazing cruise planned with excursions that require energy. I don't want to give out half way through. But I only have 3 weeks at this point, so I'm not sure how much I can do...
I've been trying to get back on track, but just couldn't seem to find the motivation to stick with it. I tried myfitnesspal, low carb, switching back to diet soda from sweet tea, but I just haven't stuck with anything.
But I may have found my motivation last night. I decided I was going to get in gear and do the 30 day Shred by Jillian Michaels. I've done it before, with great success. But I was a few lbs lighter and had been walking and doing a WW workout.
Last night I told myself, I can do this! I concentrated on my breathing and pushed myself to finish as much of each exercise as I possibly could. And I made it through most of the first segment.
Then I started the second segment.
Foot cramps have been a major issue for me with the shred. I started segment 2 with severe foot cramps. Then it just became a blur. At some point I collapsed on the couch, unable to catch my breath. I had a panic attack, started crying, only I couldn't breathe, so it was more whimpering than crying. It was terrifying and I honestly thought at one point that we were going to have to call 911. I want to pretend I have some sort of major breathing issue and I'm not just severely out of shape, but I have a bad feeling it might just be me out of shape.
Today I'm feeling very motivated. I've found some exercises that you can do at your desk. They're not burning thousands of calories, but it's better than just sitting still. I've eaten a banana and I've drank 12 oz of water. Lunch is hopefully going to be a salad or something equally healthy. I'm hoping to try low carb for the next 3 weeks.
Honestly, I'm a little terrified that I won't stick with it. It's a constant fear. But you gotta start somewhere. And I can't live this way anymore.
