Think Like a Skinny Person

In the midst of all these failed attempts at "dieting" I've put a lot of thought into what it will take for long term results. I have a theory. I think the biggest diet failure is the very word "diet". Literally, the word means what you eat from day to day. So even if you never put a thought into what you eat, you're technically on a "diet". (Likely not a healthy one.) But somewhere along the way someone redefined the word "diet" to mean "a form of punishment for being fat".

When I say I'm on a diet I feel like I'm underlining the fact that I'm overweight. I feel like people then assess whether I need to be on a diet and it's a swift assessment. Verdict: thank God she noticed...

I also feel punished, deprived, and like a child again. I'm an adult! I can eat whatever i want! But the truth is, I cannot. And neither can 90% of the world. (This is not an actual statistic.) The other 10% either work their butt off quite literally (something else that feels like punishment to me.) or have a super high metabolism the rest of us can only dream of.

But the problem is, punishment is only temporary. Deprivation long term is generally seen as abuse. So we're looking at a "diet" as a temporary thing. Something we must adhere to till we're "skinny". And that's why we eventually fall off the band wagon or gain it all back.

The truth is, to be successful in weight loss you must change your life forever. You have to completely change the way you view food overall. Exercise must become a part of who you are. Your goal is no longer a certain dress size, your goal is a new mindset.

You must learn to think like a skinny person.

I have yet to figure out exactly how to do this. I think the first step is to ditch the word "diet". It sets you up for failure. Find the way of eating that's going to fit your lifestyle forever. Change your lifestyle, if that's what it takes, but understand that you're changing forever. It's not temporary.

I've literally asked my skinny friend how she sees food. I asked her multiple questions about how she thinks and what she eats normally. My skinny friend uses myfitnesspal! That should be proof enough that this is no temporary situation.

Find ways to allow yourself a treat now and then. Do you really want to give up cheesecake forever?? No? Then find a way to fit it in now and then. My skinny friend does.

Don't beat yourself up when you fall. You think you're going to eat exactly right and exercise every single day for the rest of your life? Vacations will come and go and you must be prepared to get right back on track when it's over. Guilt is pointless. You can't un-eat the cookie or exercise yesterday. Always look forward. Each day is a new day. Each bite is a new bite. Every decision is a new decision. It's never too late or too early to start making smart choices.

What ways do you suggest to "think like a skinny person"?

Asthma, Inhalers, Sleep Apnea = Good News??

I gotta admit, I don't really even want to post anymore. For one, I don't think anyone even reads this anymore. But also, it's kinda embarrassing to read post after post of "I have new motivation - again!" and remember that my motivation hardly lasted a week. :/

But you've still got to start somewhere, like I said before. One time you'll start and you'll never quit. You have to fail to succeed. My favorite quote comes from Michael Jordan:

 

I don't like to fail, I don't think anyone does. And for a long time my motto was, if I don't try, I won't fail. But the truth is, if I don't fail I won't succeed!!

 

So, with many failures behind, and many more ahead, I am trying this again...

 

At the first of the year (I guess you could call it a New Year's Resolution) I decided I really want to try to get healthy. If I have to do away with the scales, so be it, I just want to focus on feeling great! Most specifically, exercise. With my dad a paraplegic, I realized that my dad can't run. I CAN. I don't like to, it's not comfortable, but I do have the ability to run. He does not. Yet he's still trying and I'm not?? I'm wasting a gift! I have legs that work, I have feet that work. I CAN do this! And I WILL run one day, for my dad.

 

But there was the thing with my breathing... As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a complete breakdown while doing Jillian Michael's "Shred". I breathe way faster than Shawn, almost 2 to 1, and the real breaker: I snore. Shawn videoed me snoring and, not only do I snore, I breathe rapidly - while sleeping! Once I saw the video, I realized, for sure, there's a problem here. Maybe it is just me being overweight and out of shape, but I'm going to be sure before I start a workout. So to the doctor I go... He says I have asthma and prescribed me an inhaler. He says my cholestrol is high. Then sends me for a sleep study. I went for the consultation yesterday and, without the sleep study, the doctor there already is quite sure I have sleep apnea.

 

This has not discouraged me! This is actually ENCOURAGING! For one, there are solutions to all of these problems! Solutions = energy! Not only that, but it takes a tremendous amount of pressure off my shoulders, realizing I'm not morbidly out of shape, I have serious breathing problems. Already my inhaler is helping with my exercise and I'm learning to breathe correctly during exercise, which makes things so much easier!

 

The doctor gave me a list of reccommendations for foods to eat and avoid, so I'm trying to go by that to an extent... He also told me to exercise 30 minutes a day, which I'm trying to keep up with. I'm scheduled to see him again in a month and he said to lose 4 lbs during that time. I am feeling stronger than ever and more hopeful than ever! I've been looking at the pictures of when I lost a couple of years ago and, instead of guilt and dread, I feel hope and inspiration! Maybe this is it! Maybe this is my success story!!!

 

On my fridge: "We do not eat healthy to look good or be a size 2, we eat healthy for the future of our family!"

Low Carb and the Shred

So after my last post I really did get serious. I wanted to lose my belly before my wedding (not completely, but at least where the corset/bra/thing could hold it in.) so I decided to go hardcore. The best way I know to lose weight is low carb and the best way to get in shape is the Shred. So. Terrified as I was, I tried the shred again, only this time I did not "push myself" and "take only 5 second breaks" as Jillian reccommends. (That woman is going to kill someone!) I did what I could, took breaks as needed, and I'm still working on building up to doing the entire thing, no breaks. But! I have lost 4 lbs in a week and I can definitely see the difference in my stomach. My feet were swollen and they've gone down, too. My clothes are fitting better and I wore the bra for my engagement pics Sunday and my fiance thought I looked so hot, he begged me to wear the dress to WM. I declined, but still. :) My stomach no longer pooches out with it on.

We're going to Olive Garden tonight to get the parents together and I didn't want to lose a day for it, so I went searching for low carb options. I found some, and I also found this very inspirational blog: http://lowcarbcj.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-story.html?showComment=1365704042779#c2167460501111754518

I'm actually kinda loving the low carb diet, since I'm finally getting more fruits and veggies. I just hate that my body keeps trying to detox, sending me into shakes and headaches. :-/  I guess I should try DE as my dear sister has suggested.... :) I think this might be something I could do forever... maybe. :)

What a difference a year makes...

I haven't posted in over a year and I'm so so sad to say that I did not maintain... Shortly after my last post I started gaining and haven't stopped. I now weigh more than I did before I lost last time. I have been discouraged, I have been depressed, I have been angry. But I think I'm starting to find the determination again.

Let me rewind a bit and tell you why I gained weight....
I started dating a wonderful man named Shawn right around the time of my last post. Multiple dates and then, after he bought his house and had no money, :) wonderful cooking, laziness, and stress have all been contributors to my weight gain. Now we're getting married and I really don't want to look back on my wedding pictures and see this... Not only that, but I want to be in good shape for the honeymoon. We have an amazing cruise planned with excursions that require energy. I don't want to give out half way through. But I only have 3 weeks at this point, so I'm not sure how much I can do...

I've been trying to get back on track, but just couldn't seem to find the motivation to stick with it. I tried myfitnesspal, low carb, switching back to diet soda from sweet tea, but I just haven't stuck with anything.

But I may have found my motivation last night. I decided I was going to get in gear and do the 30 day Shred by Jillian Michaels. I've done it before, with great success. But I was a few lbs lighter and had been walking and doing a WW workout.

Last night I told myself, I can do this! I concentrated on my breathing and pushed myself to finish as much of each exercise as I possibly could. And I made it through most of the first segment.
Then I started the second segment.
Foot cramps have been a major issue for me with the shred. I started segment 2 with severe foot cramps. Then it just became a blur. At some point I collapsed on the couch, unable to catch my breath. I had a panic attack, started crying, only I couldn't breathe, so it was more whimpering than crying. It was terrifying and I honestly thought at one point that we were going to have to call 911. I want to pretend I have some sort of major breathing issue and I'm not just severely out of shape, but I have a bad feeling it might just be me out of shape.

Today I'm feeling very motivated. I've found some exercises that you can do at your desk. They're not burning thousands of calories, but it's better than just sitting still. I've eaten a banana and I've drank 12 oz of water. Lunch is hopefully going to be a salad or something equally healthy. I'm hoping to try low carb for the next 3 weeks.

Honestly, I'm a little terrified that I won't stick with it. It's a constant fear. But you gotta start somewhere. And I can't live this way anymore.

Weigh in...

So I don't exactly have an official weigh in day, since I don't always get around to blogging, but my weight loss from last check in to today was 1.2 lbs. :) It's not a lot, but I'm happy with the number. Heck, I'm just glad I haven't gained!

Just watching what I eat still, not really being faithful, so I'm not expecting great results right now. I have a lot of changes happening right now, so I'm ok with maintaining for now. And I said now a billion times, I know. :)

Trying to get inspired again...

I decided to go back and read my blogs from when I was actually doing great, hoping for a little inspiration. It's ironic how much they've actually changed. From excited and active to constantly making excuses and trying to get inspired again. I'm really mostly sad that I'm not active like I once was. I did really great with walking, so winter has been somewhat of a hindrance, tho I can't use it as an excuse, since I have workout videos. Plus, the weather has actually been quite warm several days lately.

I found a blog where I talked about getting tired of eating. I remember that. I honestly just got bored mid-meal and didn't want to eat the rest. I had food in the proper perspective.

I'm not going to make any promises to break about what I'm going to start doing. I'll let my future blogs speak for themselves.

Doubling my failure rate

So last year I lost 35 lbs. And, while I'm hoping to at least lose that much again this year, I'm taking a new focus for now. Maybe it'll all come together to form a better me.

This year I want to focus more on my mental health. Now, don't run too far with that. I'm not crazy.. I don't think... haha. But I have become sarcastic, cynical, pessimistic, and, yeah, maybe even a little bitter. My self-esteem is at an all-time low. Honestly? I think very little of myself. Any good things feel fabricated to me. Like, "posh! you really think you're caring?" I'm terrified of anything new and I've let my fear of failure cripple me.

I'm really not certain that my self-image is that far off. I think I've become a little self-absorbed with my "pain". At any rate, I'm through with feeling this way. I'm ready to forgive those who hurt me, accept myself for who I am, and work towards a better me!

A thought to get me started: "If you want to be successful, double your failure rate." - Bill Gates

Christmas

So I finally got my laptop back! Maybe I can get back to blogging and losing weight!

Ever since vacation, I've been fluctuating between the same 3 lbs. Better than a gain! Over Christmas I gained less than a lb more than the highest point of the 3 lbs. So I'm feeling pretty victorious! :) Still at almost 35 lbs lost, I'm trying to concentrate on progress and not the stand-still. I'm trying to see the stand-still as progress, too. I've not really been trying to watch what I eat, necessarily, so this means I've learned to eat less. Now, if I can just learn to eat enough less that I can maintain a size 8! :)

Hoping to get back on track now that the new year is here and all the holidays are over. I think I did ok last week, but I forgot to weigh before I ate breakfast so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

An article I found interesting:

http://www.curvygirlguide.com/self-body/reinventing-the-resolution-2012-take-back-your-number/

Oops...

So I was going to try and start ww again today... I tracked breakfast and lunch... But then my dad and I made peanut butter balls... Mmmmmm... Anyway..

My sister and I plan to go to a meeting next Monday, so maybe that'll get us reinspired. Or, I should say, me... She's a real trooper! She's stuck with it while the rest of us dawdled and some of us stopped... Hats off to Amy! :)

Weigh in...

I lost two lbs last week! I'm back on the Shred. Apparently that's helping. It's about time something happens. I haven't made any progress for 3 months now. :/ At least I haven't gained!!

Weigh in...

Ok, to catch you up to date...
On 10/24/11, my weigh in said I lost 2 lbs. This brought me to 40 lbs total. I knew I'd been eating terrible and there wasn't much of a chance that was very accurate, but I was excited to be at 40 lbs and I figured, if the scales said it, I could claim it...

Well.. I continued eating terribly (I don't know why..I just got stuck in this bad eating rut.. I think because I wasn't exercising...) and the next weigh in said I gained 5 lbs... This was 11/1/11. I refused to talk about it, promising myself I would make up for it the next week...

Today is next week and today said the same as last week. And I ate terrible again last week. Leading me to believe there is something up with my scales... Or, well, my weight fluctuation anyway.. I don't think it's entirely inaccurate.. But things like, I normally weigh in around 8:00 and it was 10:30 when I weighed on 10/24/11 kinda make a difference...

Anyway.. All that being said, I'm gonna keep my mind on the 35 lbs behind me, not the 5 lbs jumping around, and set my mind on going forward! :)

Now, I've started the shred again, so I'm not looking for any kind of good loss, quite possibly a gain. But for a couple of weeks, it's just going to have to be that way because I have GOT to get active again!!!

So that's my story, and that's where I'm at. :)

Weigh in...

This week I only lost .2. But I'm grateful for the loss! :) With a long weekend out of town, I was a little worried I'd gained! If I'd have worked out, it would've been better, but that's ok.

Weigh in...

I lost 2.8 this week!! OMG, I'm so excited!!! :) :) :)
I am only 2.2 lbs from 40 lbs total!

!!W.O.W!!

Broken Laptop :/ New Number :)

My laptop is broken. More accurately, my laptop cord is broken. Anyway. This has prevented me from posting anything on here. Well, technically.. :) I can post at work, but we've been busy at work, too. ANYWAY!!!!!!! I'm finally getting caught up and hopefully I'll be getting a new cord soon... :)

New number: I saw a new number on my scales today! I'm LESS than prevacay!!! :) Now, I gotta be good all weekend so I don't gain it back. :)

Weigh in...

Gained 0.2 lbs. I'm pretty excited about this, because A) I moved this week and it was crazy trying to eat right. B) I thought this morning it was a .6 gain, but I was wrong about what I weighed last week. So I'm doing better than I thought! :)

Weigh in...

Lost 1.8! :) I'm back at pre-vacay weight finally! :) Well, not exactly, but I'm calling it that since I weighed on Friday instead of Monday. :) So now it's time to make some REAL progress!

(BTW: We get 1.8 a lot around here.. Ever notice that?)

NSV: A random person from another department at the bank told me in the elevator this morning that I looked good! :)

Weigh in...

...and other stuff. :)

WI: I lost 2 lbs! :)
(In all fairness, I thought last week's weigh in was a bit heavy and I was sick all day yesterday.. So I'm gonna take it as a win, but you shouldn't let it get you down. :)

I know I just posted these pics, but my sisters and I have decided we need to find our motivation again. Part of our plan to find it was to post before/after pics. (I do this all the time. They don't. :) After an invigorating workout and a good weigh in (despite the fact that I ate HORRIBLY last week) I feel prepared to take on this week! :)

Let's do this thing!!! :)

Cheer from Aunt Mary :)

Cheer! Cheer! for no thunder thighs!
We will go walkin - the fat will all fly!
Then these waistlines will go in
And we will all be thin again!  Yeah!

Love Aunt Mary's cheers! :)

Something positive

Someone I haven't talked to in months (except maybe a comment here or there on fb..) chatted me last night and told me I was a real encouragement to them with their exercise. It really meant a lot to me. This is what you call an NSV. The idea that I can help motivate ppl is so foreign to me, but it's exciting!

Weigh in...

I don't wanna talk about it... :P

I thought I did so well yesterday and I gained a lb. :( I'm just really sad right now... I'd hoped to be closer to pre-vacation weigh in by now...